“Parenting With Love’s Alternative to Reward and Punishment”

“Parenting With Love” is a project intended to build a generation… A project to build a human being…It is the art of constructing a self, equipped with all constituents of success … It is the polishing of the child’s inner potentials and of gradually helping those potentials to crystallize until the child grows, toughens up and becomes strong and well rounded… Thus a child becomes ready for life…

“Parenting With Love” implies nourishing, caring, tendance and awareness…. Just like a farmer who plants a tree; he nourishes, irrigates, takes care of and attends to it. He knows exactly how much water and fertilizers the plant needs… He knows when it requires trimming and when it could use a pesticide… And while doing so, he preserves an attitude of love, kindness, patience,will, determination and energy.

This is exactly what a child needs in order to grow just like a tree. Afterwards, you can enjoy the fruit she\he yields and rejoice over the creativity and accomplishment of your child.

My father used to grow apricot and olive trees as well as grape vines.  Never had I seen him being rough or harsh while he took care of them… I had never seen him irrigate the trees excessively; showering them with too much water in order to pamper them!! Never had I seen him grow weary, nor neglect them and say” I can’t check on my trees today because I am tired and stressed out!! “Nor had I ever seen him grumbling and muttering while he tended to them!!

My father, all joyful and delighted, used to harvest the fruits of the apricot tree every summer. He then used to present them to us on a platter; fresh and ready to be enjoyed… Never have I tasted apricots as delicious as my fathers’. May he rest in peace.The loyal apricot tree however, ceased to yield any fruit after he passed away …. It dried and perished!! This is love!!

This is what I am offering in my “Parenting With Love” project…I am not calling for reward and punishment, but for a strong and enduring relationship that fosters affection and closeness… one that yields consideration and kindness… one that involves care and awareness along with assertiveness and firmness…one that is full of love and hope… all the way until it is time to reap the fruit of your effort…

The alternative to punishment is acceptance…

Accept the fact that children err and that they must try and learn ….Accept the fact that a child needs to be trained and taught to take responsibility… Accept the fact that children need to be taught to amend their own mistakes, more than they need to incur punishmentsfor those mistakes…Accept the fact that doing all of this successfully requires effort, patience, knowledge and skills…Accept the fact that one must work on oneself in order to bring up a stable and a balanced human being.

The alternative to reward is being sincere and honest when dealing with children…

By sincerity we mean sincere love…sincere praise…sincere belief that our child can and will… By sincerity we mean to sincerely appreciate children for their true value and not to burden them by making them responsible for embodying our own beliefs or objects for our fear of what others might say…to sincerely be there for them not only when we prefer to; but whenever they need us regardless of how well or how badly they are behaving.

The most precious thing we can grant our children, and the most effective tool for polishing their personality is to let them grow the way they are; to spare them our attempts to cut, paste, format, update or change them… Just let them grow… Let them…

Kind Regards

Sana Issa

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