“He is Size 46”

He might be old enough to be a size 46, but the heart beating inside his chest is the heart of a shattered child… A heart torn by a childhood that is sad …miserable…devoid of any kind touches…and lacking whispers…whispers of love: “I love you…Yes, I love you the way you are… and for no particular reason… But having you in my life pleases me.”

As he grew; the size of his trousers grew larger…so did his shirt….his shoes…his height as well as his weight… Yet, that heart of the innocent child desperate for love… and awaiting acceptance…remained young…It was still there…waiting.

He could not figure out why he was slapped!! He could not explain to himself why they used to call him those names!! He could not understand why he was subject to such indifference!! He grew older and older, but he never understood or knew why!!

He however, was positive that he deserved all of that … He preserved and carried along each and every word and memory he had… He was not aware of them though…He never felt they existed…Until a day came when God blessed him with a little child… A child who announces her needs most confidently; screaming: “Here I am …. Give me love…Give me affection … acceptance … and attention …” What else can have a more profound impact on our friend??!! At that point, all of a sudden and without prior notice … the innocent child inside him woke up. Frightened, he aroused from a deep sleep….He yelled at the new born… “Who are you?” ”How dare you demand and insist on your needs?” …  “What about me?” … “Who will quench my thirst?” … “Who will treat my wounds?” … “Who will give me?” … “Who will love me?” … “It is me who is going to scream…It is me who is in pain”

Here I am … I want attention …

I apologize, for this article is going to rekindle the pain and reopen old wounds…But in order to heal, we must cut open those wounds … clean them well, treat them and then cover them.

In order to heal childhood memories … in order to be able to take care of the inner child within us … we must first welcome that inner child … We should allow him\her to wake up and acknowledge their existence … We should grant them some trust  Do not resist them … nor attempt to defy them with clever proofs and excuses that our folks were kind … good people  who never meant to do that harm … We already know that.

But the inner child needs to be told that he\she is allowed to groan and to grieve … Give them security and confidence to enable them to cross over…

Afterwards, we might go through a phase of loss … deep sorrow … extreme anger …  resent of past memories … Whatever the feeling was … try to live it … Express it … cry … write … talk to a loyal friend … or even to a specialist…

Then, allow yourself to pamper that inner child of yours … Start listening to him\her … Be considerate of them … Connect with them … So, when ever you hear yourself yelling at your own child…breathe and ask yourself  ”Is this yelling coming from an adult person??  Or is it coming from the inner child in pain?  I wonder what he\she needs .

How can I console them?”

When you notice that you are about to reach out to hit your child, withdraw your hand behind your back and ask yourself “What is going on exactly ? Who is hitting, me or the inner child ?”  …  ”Am I hitting my child because he\she has a a life and some freedom that I did not enjoy?” …  “Am I provoked because he\she has toys …  a loving father and opportunities  better  than  what  I have dreamed of  ?”

Remember … it is not you who is being jealous … It is not you who is being discontent … angry … or provoked 

But it is the child inside you …  the child who lacked affection … who lacked security…

Now, wrap your hands around your shoulder and hug that child … Tell him\her that you accept them … Tell them that they deserve the best … That they deserve to live in security and that they can express themselves, but in other ways … each person to their taste and tendencies … but that there sure is a number of other alternatives to express ourselves; other than beating, screaming, yelling …  and other than being nervous .

You can find relief in some deep breathing and meditation exercises …  relaxation … recalling some memories, then wishing them good by sending them flying very far away on a cloud up on the horizon … or in writing those memories on a piece of paper and then burning it …

It is a process that can take days … or months maybe … But it is the birth of a new self ….. It is worth the pain and the effort Because you deserve life .

Kind Regards

Sana Issa